What to do when your relationship breaks down

The realisation that your relationship is no longer working for you can be extremely difficult for you, your partner and your children. The emotional impact can be hard to take.

However, focusing on the practical side can help you to retain some control in the circumstances and to start to feel that there is a future out there for you.

So what are the practical steps?

• See a solicitor – getting specialist and independent legal advice is key to you being able to plan ahead. You will need to identify the key issues that will feature in the divorce and start thinking about what you want and what your children need from the divorce. Getting legal advice from a family solicitor early on in the process does not mean that you are out for a fight. It just helps you be clear about the issues. Most family law practices offer a fixed fee meeting so you can understand exactly what the issues are. 

• Children – trying to get through a divorce with as little disruption to your children will be the main focus for many people. Try to agree on a strategy with your partner so that any conversations about the divorce happen when your children are not present. Acknowledge your children’s feelings and talk to them about what is happening, but acknowledge that managing your children through this process will be difficult, as will the practical side of arranging contact and custody.

• Mediation – all couples seeking a divorce are now expected to consider mediation. Mediation is not counselling and is not designed to try and mend the relationship. Mediation is a tool to try to reach an agreement on some of the key issues in a divorce, removing the need to go to court, which can feel very adversarial. A trained mediator will spend time with you and your ex-spouse and will try to work through all the sticking points in your divorce, normally financial settlement and issues around the children. Mediation can go a long way to making the whole process more bearable.

 Realising your marriage is over is never easy, but if you and your ex-spouse can work together towards a divorce settlement that works for everyone, then it can make the whole process less emotionally and financially draining. After all, who needs a day in court and all the upset that brings?

If you are struggling with the breakdown of your relationship, contact Barker, Son & Isherwood on 01264 353 411 or by email on family@bsandi.co.uk">family@bsandi.co.uk and we will be happy to arrange a no-obligation consultation with you to discuss your options.